


If the world ended tomorrow

by uchihas1000



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: M/M, Mutual Pinning, This is post 179, i wrote this in like 5 hours haha end me, make some noise for the absolute assholes that cannot stop giggling, reference to past sexual assault, sparring like assholes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:01:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27218332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uchihas1000/pseuds/uchihas1000
Summary: They play the game called "i'll say what's on my mind if you say it too" and it surprisingly goes well for the assholes, good for them, good for them. But they kick each other's ass first because they're bored.
Relationships: Mutsuki Tooru/Urie Kuki
Comments: 6
Kudos: 18





	If the world ended tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/5Fgj

It was a random request in the middle of a rather peaceful evening, when everyone had received this common signal to find their rooms and leave them both unoccupied, alone, together. It could have been everything; there was such a wide array of requests he could throw to the table, given he was looking at the man he hadn't seen in months. But his curious request was something in the lines of- 

"Wanna spar?" Of everything, he chose violence. 

" Umm… I don't know. I'm kinda rusty. Haven't done much sparring in a while." 

"Me too. But it would be nice to keep the instinct alive, i suppose... If you wish to." 

Mutsuki paused, pondering his offer. 

"No kagune though." 

"No kagune." 

Stepping on the wooden-tiled room, they faced rather fresh air, which rarely occupied the space, given how it was hot and stinking of sweat. Fresh air from people barely being there in months was everything left, and cleanliness. A sense of peace perhaps, too. One where it wasn’t required of them to need to always fight for their life anymore, be alert and in constant fear of dying. 

“This feels nostalgic,” Mutsuki broke their silence, as their breaths echoed all around the room. He threw a stare at the man on his side, as he saw specks of content on his lips to. He missed it too. Not the time they left behind. They fought for the day it would be finally behind them. He’d suppose it was just the satisfaction of belonging, despite doing so amidst chaos. He’d supposed Urie felt the same. 

“Some warming-up first,” declared Urie as he hanged his blazer on the wall, and so did Mutsuki. It wasn’t premeditated that they would look like instructors from those morning workout shows, but their bodies moved identically, so they could have very well been. They weren’t trying to synchronize, but it so happened that their timing was perfectly aligned each time they switched to the next exercise. Sasaki’s voice probably ringed too loud on their head for them to do otherwise. Muscle memory. 

After 20 minutes of breaking a light sweat, they took their positions to break a bigger, more physically demanding, and certainly more touchy sweat. 

They had observed their bodies before. It wasn’t a surprise they knew their bodies’ weak spots, where to locate the kick and with what intensity to deliver it in order to cause damage. They knew their bodies’ weak spots so they could look after one another in the battlefield, and avoid opponents that would take advantage. Their weaknesses in that realm weren’t unknown. It was muscle memory constantly being aware of them to make the best decisions. 

Besides those drawbacks of their bodies that tied themselves well to survival, there were other traits of their bodies they memorized, observed how they developed or deteriorated, that demanded a more curious eye to notice. And the long distance and absence put each and every change on a petri dish for both to observe. 

Mutsuki threw the first leg kick, and everything else was a spontaneous dance. There wasn’t too much thought put into it besides muscle memory. It was however striking to both, how distracted they were from the kicks they kept purposefully predictable. But it was a reason to observe each other longer, in a condition that wasn’t passive. 

Urie had managed to block all of his kicks, but with each kick he noticed how something in his browbone stood out, a line he hadn’t seen before. But he could now notice as the man in front of him frowned to concentrate. He frowned enough during his day to leave a mark. He worried a lot. He didn’t say everything on his mind but he could guess. He was always worrying, not around anyone, not when he laughed his gut out at Saiko’s drawing of him on his Megahulk state, not when he tried to teach him to cook but ended up adjusting a headband on his head because his hair was getting so long it would shed everywhere. It wasn’t really these times he showed specks of worry. It was when he was alone, in his corner on the country side where he left all the worries eat him up. But not when he called, and Saiko interfered. He wanted to know how his worries sounded like out of his mouth. Some he could guess, some he had heard already when he called and his voice on the other side barely had energy for a laugh, or when he could listen to a sniff in the background as he tried to keep his voice intact. Other remained within him until further notice. 

Mutsuki wasn’t less attentive when he grabbed on him and his muscles felt to have slimmed down. He might have given up the intense working out, or just decided to take a break, but even if his body looked in shape, he didn’t want to admit how unfocused his eyes tended to get. One moment he was calculating slightly his steps, the next he was looking right through him, the other he was gone. He had felt many looks on him in his life unfortunately. Merciful, desperate, lustful, enraged, berserk. He was worried. His eyes were always worried. They sometimes admired at a distance, something he tended to reflect back, other times they looked needy, now purely worried. 

“You haven’t rusted at all actually,“said Urie as he took a break to catch his labored breath. 

“Neither have you. Did you really take a break or were you fooling with me?” 

“No, i did, “He chuckled as the room was filled once again with the steam of their breaths and sweat. 

“Break?” he suggested. 

“I don’t mind Round 2 right now actually.” 

“Very well then.” 

Their limbs steadied on the ground before they started moving again. There was less consideration this time, that’s what Mutsuki’s first kick told him. He wasn’t trying to kill him per se, but he was spicing up his moves, the responses of which Urie would gladly spice up as well. They were more calculative, the traps harder to guess after 15 minutes of sparing and not a break in between. But as he usually did with most of the things life threw at him, he accepted the challenge. Just as their movements started to flow, a trap from each side would bring the other to the ground and they’d get up with a pained smirk on their face. 

This was a playful warm up, and despite the mischievous traps on the way, they knew how their bodies, their kagunes, if they were as dexterous as they used to be, they could kill them both in that instant if they tried hard enough. And Mutsuki knew how Urie’s hand could punch a hole through his stomach on a frenzy, but it could also lay warm in his shoulder in reassurance. He knew how his hands were delicate enough to handle a paint brush, but strong enough to block his kicks. And the more he concentrated on his hands, the more he wanted them to snap and get wilder. 

On the other hand, Urie learned a different nature of comfort through him, even though the attack from his hands were taking him to his limit. One that genuinely listened, didn’t say “I’m sorry to hear that.” before feeling it. They weren’t his hands that gave him comfort, but the morbid organ that saved their lives when they needed the most. An organ that only ever killed, somehow decided to not. But just as it comforted, so it almost killed, as he could almost feel the texture of it through his stomach still. How it morphed its shape from soaked in compassion, to drenched in fury. And how it now was gone from their lives, or away from their eyes at least. 

They kicked their last kicks in a frenzy, as he noticed Urie was really starting to let a little of his asshole show, as his eyes moved faster now, somehow more ambitious. Their tactics were now plain street fight, and they both couldn’t deny how much they were enjoying it. But just as the assholeries kicked in, so did their lightheadedness. And they could have stopped. They really should have stopped. But in that moment Urie grabbed his body and weighted it on his shoulder, before it kicked the mattress, and his body completely froze. That height. That shoulder height. It was a view that visited him on his nightmares still, 8 years later, where his libs felt missing. From that view he could look at the scissors, the knives, tied around his waist. They clinked with each step, and his chest tightened with realization still, as if he didn’t know now. But the horror remained in his bones as it stiffened his body completely. Just as his body hit the mattress, his ears ringed someway, and he felt a shadow get closer to him, just above him. However stiff, he tried to drag his body away from the shadow, but it lingered with him. 

“Stay the fuck away!” he yelped among heavy breaths. 

Urie retreated as he saw the man retreat from him with horror. They both froze from the shock all this sparing had triggered them. Urie as well was feeling it, that animalistic strength the pulsing kagune on his shoulder blade gave him. It reminded him of every time he lost control, hurt them. Him too. His chest burnt. He thought he had left it behind, but it was hard when it lived with him, just under his skin. 

Mutsuki’s eyes fixed on the floor, on his feet, on his arms, as he tried to regulate his breaths. He was alright. They were having fun. Urie wasn’t trying to hurt him. They were just sparing. He felt alright all this time. Why the sudden intruding thoughts? Why now? Why today? They could have him when he was alone and away from him, this place, but not now, please, his own voice on his head begged. 

“I’m so sorry…are you alright?” 

“I need a moment,” Urie nodded. He got up, filled a glass of water from the water dispenser, and left it on the table near him. These were the things he probably would never tell him of; how his body became completely numb after similar moments that he had witnessed or their aftermath. Distant to anything that could touch him, flinching at the smallest of sound or touch, splitting headaches. He had seen few of them when he came to visit, and he knew they happened so much more often when they weren’t around. When he visited, those episodes were just gremlins that grabbed on his coat even though he swore he shook them off all before he left. 

“Just don’t- do that again...please. “ 

“I won’t. I promise,“responded Urie at a distance. 

* * *

When he woke up, he couldn’t recall a nightmare, and anxiety wasn’t eating him out like yesterday, but it made a pit on his stomach, like a black hole that sucked him in slowly. Or maybe he was just hungry. He ambled from his room, to the bathroom, back to his room to change to something warmer, as he climbed down the stairs and smelled vanilla and coffee. Saiko wasn’t awake yet and vanilla and burnt smells are always accompanying each other when she’s in the proximity of the kitchen. Hsiao doesn’t really bake much unless it’s Saiko begging her, and Higemaru doesn’t even cook. He got into the kitchen and very surprisingly found the pancake recipe only he ever cooked in the house, ready in a big plate. But he couldn’t forget how he randomly taught it to Urie on of the other times he had visited. He opened the lid and even though warmhearted from the gesture, was still curious to know if he had ticked off all the parameters of his recipe. 

_Not burned, fluffy enough, not undercooked_ . He cut a little with his fork and did a taste test. _Barely sweet, two seemed flatter than the others though._ He couldn’t hold a chuckle at the realization. He grabbed some fruit and peanut butter, fork and knife and dug in. 

He was going for a second cup of coffee as a break from reading when he ran up the other man in the kitchen, just chugging some water, apparently back from a run. He was somehow distracted again, and he couldn’t catch his stare for once. 

‘Hey, i tried your pancakes.” 

“The plate is empty,” He pointed at the empty plate quite matter-of-factly. 

“I gobbled down the 4 pancakes in 10 minutes, do you want me to be this precise?” He chuckled under his cup, as he couldn’t not elicit the same response from the other man. 

“Verdict?” 

“Almost perfect…” 

“Almost…” 

Mutsuki placed the cup of coffee on his side, and tried to gesture what Urie probably attempted to do with two of the pancakes. 

“You don’t flip that type of pancake on the air like a big shot, Urie. “ 

“How did you know?” said Urie, now hiding under his own glass a little bit shyer than asshole because he hoped no one had seen him attempting it. 

“Two of them had lost some fluff. When it hits the pan, it loses some air and becomes flat.” 

“Can you maybe not investigate how i make pancakes?” He added jokingly, ego maybe a little wounded too. Just a little. 

“I can’t help it. But I'd eat them again. It’s a sold 8/10, don’t act so wounded.” He encouraged him, trying to bring some spirit back to him. 

“Well I'm glad you liked them,” He headed for his bedroom. 

“Are you alright?” 

“Y-yeah. Why?” 

“You seem distracted. Eyes buried to your feet or the wall and all,” They both knew how they looked out for the other like this, but they hadn't gotten into the habit of being…this vocal about it. Mutsuki started first. 

“I’m just tired.” 

“Yesterday wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t have known. There’s no reason to blame yourself,” He brushed the tip of his fingers to his, as he tried to intertwine his fingers one by one, but was suddenly met with an unresponsive hand, and so he retreated too. 

“Can I help you someway…with…dealing with it?” His hand was unresponsive, but he was looking at him this time. 

“Understanding is enough help for now.” 

“I will listen-…if you need someone. “Their faces very unintentionally now inches apart from each-other. 

“I will let you listen, if you let me hear you too. “ 

“I will try my best.” His eyes sunk on the man’s in front of him as he left with half a smile Mutsuki couldn’t even tell if it was there or not. 

* * *

Footsteps woke him up way too early in the morning, as something like a mixture of weird dreams and uncomfortable amount of heating in his room made him easily lose his sleep. He tried to focus on the footsteps of his roommates, attempting to guess whom they belonged as a mental exercise to force himself to sleep. They came from behind him, so neither Saiko nor Hsiao. Higemaru and Urie could be the owners of the grumpy footsteps that made their way directly to the kitchen. But it was self-explanatory why Higemaru wouldn’t be waking up at 4 in the morning on a Sunday. He opened his blinders a little to see the only man ever who would be sitting in a swing chair at 4 in the morning. He mentally made a deal that if he wasn’t thirsty enough to get to the fridge he wouldn’t be passing by, but it so happened that he was. And so off he was from bed and on he put a thick cardigan to make his compa- i mean to drink water. 

He did arrive to the kitchen, but he forgot to drink water, not so surprisingly. He stepped on the threshold of the big windows, and walked the tiny path to their backyard as Urie noticed him from afar. 

“You must be stalking me,” simpered Urie as he sat half lying the chair, hands shoved on the pockets of his blazer, as he swung it just slightly. 

“Busted.” 

“You can sit here; it won’t break down or anything,” One excuse to sit with him down the drain, but he never really knew how many were to go. 

“Haven’t seen this thing here before.” 

“Saiko.” responded Urie in hoarse voice. 

“Fair enough.” 

“Wanna hear a dumb question at 4 in the morning?” added Mutsuki again. 

“Shoot it.” 

“It’s cringy…you ready?” 

“I said shoot it.” 

“If the world ended tomorrow, what would you do?” 

“Hmm…Well that's rather improbable, i mean asteroids, or nuclear welfare don't happen overnight, fortunately. But they do claim there's a 50% chance of our lives being a stimulation, the reboot of which would probably take overnight- 

“Urie, I didn't ask for my brain to be bullied like this this late at night. I asked you a simple question. Imagine the world ends tomorrow because i say so, no questions, what would you do?” he insisted. 

“I don't like to worry myself with the improbable.” 

“You’re so fucking laaamee.” He throws his head behind chuckling ruefully, begging the gods of cools to give his comrade a little bit of cools too. Not that he had many himself, but he had enough to answer a what if question without talking about _fucking_ nuclear welfare. 

“Alright, alright. Let me think.” Oh, but you see, he didn’t have to. In fact, he feared the day he’d be asked a question like this because it was painfully obvious to himself what his response would be. And so he talked about _fucking_ nuclear welfare. As a distraction. 

“I would probably eat a lot of food i haven't eaten in a while. The country side doesn't offer much options after all.” chimed in Mutsuki, as he waited for his response. 

“Like what?” 

“Pizza.” 

“And what else?” 

“Fruit snacks.” 

“Saiko is ordering pizza tomorrow for us, so you might be in luck if you don't leave too soon.” 

“But she told me she was going to cook one of her grandiose dishes.” 

“She told me she changed her mind. (I'll make her change her mind.)” 

“And you still didn't answer my question you-” 

“(he didn’t even mention you but go ahead, be a joke) I'd spend more time with you.” He was dumbfounded at the remark, not because he wouldn’t expect it all from him, just never this directly. He liked they were playing this game, where they said what they meant more often. It was a slow dance but he liked it. 

“I’d also do this very dumb thing, too...” He leaned his head on the metallic rod behind his neck and it was uncomfortable but it somehow gave him a little courage. 

“That being?” He leaned his head on the rod too, this time sneaking peaks at his profile, until he saw how unaware of it the man next to him was, as his head now turned fully to his direction. But he wasn’t, he was always aware of it. How he looks at him and how he wishes to do something. He turned his head to his side too, as Urie was now also dumbfounded as his muse mused on him too. Anxious really. He had never seen his lips like that before. He looked at them once in a while, trying to not be obvious and everything, but this time it almost felt like it was a mutual understanding. They were both staring, their faces both getting closer at the pace of a baby getting on its two feet for the first time. But it was there, and sooner than Urie expected it, being completely distracted by the drum-like sounds of his heartbeat in his ears, he was already brushing his upper lip between his, before Mutsuki pecked them softly. Mutsuki lifted his head from where they leaned, disconnected the kiss for a little, as he could feel his pulse, despite him looking calm, he was freaking out. Mutsuki giggled against his lips. 

“Please relax, i won’t bite you,” He couldn’t believe him; he was really blushing. What level of his personality had he just unlocked now? 

“I-it’s not that. “ 

“If you don’t feel comfortable i can sto-” 

“No! - I mean- It’s not it either.” He came closer, just millimeters away whispering against his lips. 

“Then just tell me what you want.” 

“Well i don’t really- know...How to kiss. “ 

“well...I don’t know either.” 

“Is this really your first kiss then?” asked Urie half flustered, half surprised from how good it felt. 

“This is the first kiss I liked. And that’s when you learn too. It’s just trial and error from there. Do you want…to try again?” 

He let Urie initiate this time, as he chased his bottom lip pressing innocently on his. It started slowly, small lip clicks almost nonexistent to their ears, but he learned to pick Mutsuki’s pace, just slightly faster. 

“You do learn fast, don’t you?” commented Mutsuki, as they both smiled under their breath. 

“I guess i do,” responded Urie as he pressed back once again, pace just minutely faster. He was being led once again by him, as he wrapped a warm hand at the back of his neck. As he led then to the end, he pecked softly a couple of times more, before he completely detached from him.   
”Urie, you can open your eyes now,” He really couldn’t stop giggling tonight. He hadn’t felt like this in such a long time. 

“Woah!” He didn’t mean to let that slip, but it just did, and as someone who didn’t particularly think he’d have a first kiss ever, he did win the jackpot. 

“Yeah?” He giggled again, not expecting Urie once again to say that. 

“Yeah.” he affirmed. 

“i..um..i was thinking of saying this later, but whatever. I’m not moving back to the countryside anymore after i go back this time,” He smiled hoping he’d get the hint for him already. 

“What? Where will you stay then?” For someone who silently wished every time he left to come back soon, he certainly didn’t get the hint. 

“Well i was thinking of moving back in for a while.” He was leading him to it, but he only worried about the small details. 

“How long?” 

“Hmm, thinking forever if that’s alright.” 

“Are you really- you’re really moving back?” exclaimed Urie, yet another tone of excitement he had never heard out of his mouth. If this man’s personality was a game, he’d have an unending number of levels to unlock. He’s taking mental notes of everything to go back to, in case he needs to. He definitely will. 

“You finally put 2 and 2 together…I really wanted to for a long time. I came this weekend…to see if i still could. If it was alright for me to still be here-” It was unable for him to restrict himself like he usually did, but he always wanted to. He deserved it, this, and every other coming after. 

He wrapped his arms around his shoulders, warm hand wrapping around his hair. 

“It will always be alright for you to be here. (i love you)” 

He felt he made a big mistake touching him again like that, as he waited for something similar to the incident while sparing to happen as he loosened up his embrace, but in that moment, he feels his hands wrap around his waist, leaning his head on his shoulder. His voice was muffled against his blazer, as he heard it small, before something wetted his shirt. 

_Even if_ _i_ _remind of you of the bad things back then-_ he wanted to say. And he would. They’d have plenty of time to talk when he came back. 

“That’s a relief.” 

**Author's Note:**

> i have once again decided to take a break from writing exulansis because it's absolutely tearing my soul apart i just need some fluff and soft hugs;;;;  
> thank you soso much for reading!! Comments are my lifeblood so write something away if the assholes made you feel stuff o-)-(


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